Breaking up is hard to do.

Sigh. I got dumped.

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone through a breakup, felt the unbearable sting of rejection. But I guess I should have been more prepared. There had been signs- unanswered phone calls, uncomfortable tension, a growing distance between us- but I refused to accept that the relationship was broken. When it finally ended, with what felt like cruel abruptness, I was shocked.

No breakup is fun, whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee. But I’m not talking about my husband, or even a romantic relationship from my past. I’m talking about one of my best friends. It didn’t happen 20 years ago in high school, when girls are weird to each other by default– it was fairly recent. And despite the tricky things I’ve been through, it’s been an incredibly difficult time.

My  “breakup” experience is featured on The Elephant Journal. Take a peek, and do tell– can you relate? Have you had a close friendship fall apart? What did you to do move forward? I’d love to hear your experiences.

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For me, healing required a shift in my perspective– a twist on the old, “It’s not you, it’s me…” breakup excuse. I stopped searching for things to blame on myself and learned to be comfortable with the love and respect I’d tried to give the relationship. Once I did that, it was far easier to reach the first step of moving on: acceptance.

Acceptance is liberating.

Read the article here! 

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14 replies »

  1. I’m still healing from one of these breakups, much to the dismay of certain others close to me who don’t understand why I’m still hurt. I tell myself that I’ve learned from this friend and it’s time to let go. It’s so tough to move on when people don’t give closure or opportunity to reconcile. I tell myself a friend who can’t listen is no friend at all. Thanks for this post!

  2. The timing of this is impeccable. I was dumped almost two years ago and I am still trying to heal. I never understood the real reason why she decided to call it quits, I think it was the over-controlling husband of hers. I saw her again today (after one year) and felt horrible and numb. It still hurts like hell but I am trying to let go. Taking the blame from oneself is the most important thing. I talked to a friend about her and she told me: ‘from what you are saying she doesn’t seem really worth your sorrow. Let go and start fresh with someone who deserves to be your friend.’ I liked that so I I ll stick with her advice. xxx

    • One thing I’ve learned is to stop “making it all about me”… meaning, if someone has an issue, it’s usually about THEM. Release yourself from the blame game. And your friend is right- any relationship that makes you feel bad is not one you probably want to put effort into. Good luck to you! 🙂

  3. So sorry you went through the pain of a friendship breakup. The worst one for me is when I had no clue why it happened; one day friends, the next day strangers. Letting go
    seemed like the only choice since the not knowing and “what-if-ing” was wrecking my daily routine. Like you, I am sad for the loss, but unlike you, not hopeful for a reconciliation. With all friends, kept or lost, I hope to keep my door and arms open wide, even when there appear to be mountains and chasms in between.

    Thanks for the post, Amber. Writing is a great way to clear the air, and in my absence of writing time, you’ve helped me clear mine!

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